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Hello, citizens of the world, I....am Shalashaska. Otherwise known to you metal gear solid fanboys and fangirls as Revolver Ocelot. Some Solid Snake lovers out there also refer to me as that "Russian cowboy wanna be", and those who hate my mustache also call me "Mr. Pringles". WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?!!! IF YOU HATE MY MUSTACHE, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME HERE AND SHAVE IT OFF YOURSELF!!!!

*clears his throat*. Anyway, I've proclaimed this speech to show my hatred for all you so called metal gear solid geeks!!! I've been in the Metal Gear Solid series for 3 freaking long years and 2 GAMES!! I repeat....both games!!! But do i get appreciated?!!! Do you people appreciate what I do?!!! Is Kojima going to make a Metal Gear: Ocelot next year?!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! heck, even the action figures based from me can't move their legs right!!! What do they want me to do?!!! Crawl on my belly?!!! There's a reason why toymakers created knee joints, dammit!!!

Always the pretty boys who look like girls get all the praise and the good action figures and the hot muscles in their action figures!!! Even that fag raiden and that monkey fortune got decent action figures!!! Even Sniper Wolf got her own 12inch doll!!! But I, who had tons more screen time than her in mgs1, got NO 12INCH DOLL!!! How will my fans enjoy the beauty of my body articulation and the suave curves of my cowboy outfit if they can't even have their own 12inch Shalashaska to strip and admire?!!!

Oh wait......I just remembered...I DON'T HAVE ANY FANS!!! Sometimes i wonder late at night why i've never had any fanmail. Even that Raiden gets fanmail once a year, but i've never even received one!!! I don't even have a site dedicated to me! If you only know how many mgs sites out there declare "We have naked Solid Snake pictures!!" just to get hits from fangirls!!! But I, on the other hand, don't even have a nerdy chick following me around to get my autograph!!! *sniff* Do I smell bad enough for you people to not even wanna be around me?!!!

I NEED ATTENTION TOO!!! I already got my hand cut-off and my personality messed up, but do people feel pity for poor ol' shalashaska?!!! Are people making "Save Shalashaska's arm" sites?!!! Or "Shalashaska is SO HOT!!!" sites?!!! NoOoOoOooo...probably since MOST OF YOU ARE BUSY MOONING OVER SNIPER'S BIG BOOBS AND SNAKE'S SEXY EGO!!! Am I not THAT sexy enough for today's standards?!! Do video game characters always have to have a big something just to get some fangirls?!!! What do I have to do to get some attention here?!!! Hide in a box?!!! I do shave my mustache right, i am physically fit for some lovin' and i do have the "Fabio" hair, but chicks still aren't making shrines for me!!! Heck, fans probably care more about my gun than me!!! And it's not even my gun gun, but my revolver gun!!!

Aaaahhh...you people are so hard to please......*sigh*....It's my evil nature isn't it?!!! Well yeah...I am evil AND a sadist, and i do like pushing old people to the ground, but i can't help it!!! It's the part i'm supposed to play, and dammit, it's not easy!!! What about Snake? All he does is sneak around and act all macho, but I do all the butt kicking and gear stealing 24-7!!! I should be even paid more than him!!! Hmmm...maybe I should convince them to have a topless version of me too.....or maybe Shalashaska in tuxedo or something like that....

yeah....that would work.........

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